In 2020, 287,000 mothers died during live births according to the WHO. To put it in perspective, roughly 703,000 people commit suicide per year, something that we take much more seriously than ‘haha funny shirt guy’ here. The first statistic doesn’t even include mothers who suffer from post-partum depression and commit suicide.
The biggest lies told to girls is the trivialization of childbirth. Imagine if your pelvis was forced apart, your perinium torn, your muscles pulling cramps for 12-24 hours straight, piss and shit spilling out of you, your privates in full view and constantly touched by strangers. After all that you are expected to be fine, happy, elated even, to act as though none of agony you went through has shredded your mind. You are expected to smile and hold your child as if that is guaranteed to magically resolve any lingering thoughts about the body horror you just went through. Of course, this doesn’t always happens. Countless mothers develop post-partum depression and even commit suicide.
If we took live births even half as seriously as suicide maybe we can better support those who are predisposed to PPD and prevent self harm.
Inb4 someone says ‘lighten up’ or ‘calm down’, think about the relevance of your experiences before commenting. Lemmy’s userbase is 77% men and sometimes it shows (see the other comment on this post).
Can’t believe these morons down below who write stuff like “But birth is supposed to be a joyful event”.
I am not a woman, so I obviously can’t relate to the pain, but what hit me really hard was when my wife got an episiotomy (is that the correct term? English isn’t my first language.).
Basically, the doctor took what looked like poultry shears, waited for the next contraction and cut her open from her vagina to her asshole. And she didn’t even notice the pain of the cut because the pain of the contraction was so strong.
That put the whole thing quite into perspective for me.
I can vaguely imagine what that cut must have felt like. The contraction pain was much stronger.
It is seriously scary how little people talk about the all the crazy stuff that happens during and around pregnancy, e.g. the staggering amount of miscarriages, perinatal/postpartum depression, birth injuries, …
I’m so sorry for what your wife went through, and what you had to watch. That is absolutely horrifying.
I completely agree with what you’ve said, and I wish more people can come to understand that live births are not the rainbows and sparkles that we’ve been conditioned into believing, but a life or death, permanently disfiguring, or traumatizing process it is.
For anyone disagree with you:
Can there be beauty, humor, and joy in this? There absolutely can. None of this is about sucking away the joy of childbirth, it’s about addressing the nonchalant attitudes and assumptions that many non-birthing people have about it. There is a time and place for everything, and a joke at the expense of someone giving birth that they didn’t find funny being posted on social media isn’t a tasteful one.
Does this make that guy the most horrible person? No. This isn’t about that one guy, it’s about addressing a cultural attitude towards childbirth is that is harmful to women, many of which get the wrong ideas about childbirth. It’s about the trivialization of mental health of new mothers, something that I’m sure lots of men can empathize with.
Don’t be sorry for me, I just helplessly watched. My wife is the one who did the work.
I totally agree with what you say. The joyous aspect is definitely there, when the birth is done and “holy hell we just made a human!”. But that doesn’t in any way diminish the pain and everything around.
But, contrary to the pain and all, we as a society talk enough about the joyous part. We just “forget” to talk about (and give credit for) the pain, the permanent injuries, the trauma and the mental health aspects of pregnancy, birth and getting a child through the first few years.
Your wife went through hell and back, there’s no doubt about that. But to watch a loved one suffer is pain in its own right. It may be small compared to what she went through, but that doesn’t make it unimportant. In the same way that the joy of having a child doesn’t diminish the pain, the magnitude of your wife’s suffering doesn’t diminish yours either. Take care.
This would be funny if the wife was amused.
In 2020, 287,000 mothers died during live births according to the WHO. To put it in perspective, roughly 703,000 people commit suicide per year, something that we take much more seriously than ‘haha funny shirt guy’ here. The first statistic doesn’t even include mothers who suffer from post-partum depression and commit suicide.
The biggest lies told to girls is the trivialization of childbirth. Imagine if your pelvis was forced apart, your perinium torn, your muscles pulling cramps for 12-24 hours straight, piss and shit spilling out of you, your privates in full view and constantly touched by strangers. After all that you are expected to be fine, happy, elated even, to act as though none of agony you went through has shredded your mind. You are expected to smile and hold your child as if that is guaranteed to magically resolve any lingering thoughts about the body horror you just went through. Of course, this doesn’t always happens. Countless mothers develop post-partum depression and even commit suicide.
If we took live births even half as seriously as suicide maybe we can better support those who are predisposed to PPD and prevent self harm.
Inb4 someone says ‘lighten up’ or ‘calm down’, think about the relevance of your experiences before commenting. Lemmy’s userbase is 77% men and sometimes it shows (see the other comment on this post).
Thanks for putting that so eloquently.
Can’t believe these morons down below who write stuff like “But birth is supposed to be a joyful event”.
I am not a woman, so I obviously can’t relate to the pain, but what hit me really hard was when my wife got an episiotomy (is that the correct term? English isn’t my first language.).
Basically, the doctor took what looked like poultry shears, waited for the next contraction and cut her open from her vagina to her asshole. And she didn’t even notice the pain of the cut because the pain of the contraction was so strong.
That put the whole thing quite into perspective for me.
I can vaguely imagine what that cut must have felt like. The contraction pain was much stronger.
It is seriously scary how little people talk about the all the crazy stuff that happens during and around pregnancy, e.g. the staggering amount of miscarriages, perinatal/postpartum depression, birth injuries, …
I’m so sorry for what your wife went through, and what you had to watch. That is absolutely horrifying.
I completely agree with what you’ve said, and I wish more people can come to understand that live births are not the rainbows and sparkles that we’ve been conditioned into believing, but a life or death, permanently disfiguring, or traumatizing process it is.
For anyone disagree with you: Can there be beauty, humor, and joy in this? There absolutely can. None of this is about sucking away the joy of childbirth, it’s about addressing the nonchalant attitudes and assumptions that many non-birthing people have about it. There is a time and place for everything, and a joke at the expense of someone giving birth that they didn’t find funny being posted on social media isn’t a tasteful one.
Does this make that guy the most horrible person? No. This isn’t about that one guy, it’s about addressing a cultural attitude towards childbirth is that is harmful to women, many of which get the wrong ideas about childbirth. It’s about the trivialization of mental health of new mothers, something that I’m sure lots of men can empathize with.
Don’t be sorry for me, I just helplessly watched. My wife is the one who did the work.
I totally agree with what you say. The joyous aspect is definitely there, when the birth is done and “holy hell we just made a human!”. But that doesn’t in any way diminish the pain and everything around.
But, contrary to the pain and all, we as a society talk enough about the joyous part. We just “forget” to talk about (and give credit for) the pain, the permanent injuries, the trauma and the mental health aspects of pregnancy, birth and getting a child through the first few years.
Your wife went through hell and back, there’s no doubt about that. But to watch a loved one suffer is pain in its own right. It may be small compared to what she went through, but that doesn’t make it unimportant. In the same way that the joy of having a child doesn’t diminish the pain, the magnitude of your wife’s suffering doesn’t diminish yours either. Take care.