Sounds similar to my journey in some ways. I’ll share a bit on the off chance that some of my experiences might be useful.

I always had headaches and mental health struggles. Hopefully you don’t. I sought help for both. My mental health issues were misdiagnosed (I’m AuDHD, the other stuff mostly stems from that) and for the headaches I was just told to lose weight. Easier said than done, and the headaches got worse while I tried. I used pain meds and developed chest pain that got diagnosed as heartburn. Prescription omeprazole (prilosec) keeps it in check.

I finally lost enough weight for them to take the headaches seriously and get referred to a neurologist. We can’t be sure of the exact cause, but a good bet is anxiety - a very sensitive/overactive nervous system as a result of C-PTSD and autism. I take topiramate to calm it a little, edibles 1-2 times a week, quarterly injections, and I do a somatic meditation. This is a great exercise for pain without a physical source, caused by things like my overactive nervous system.

If your pain is made worse by anxiety, it may help to get in the habit of practicing a quick somatic meditation focusing on the pain whenever you experience it. Otherwise, just keep advocating for yourself until you find a doctor that will help. I hope you find something that works for you soon.

Also, on brain meds: they’re all multi-function, so if it’s anti-anxiety that’s more of a happy accident. They wouldn’t give you a nerve blocker just for anxiety. Side effects tend to lessen the longer you take the drug, but not always, and the time scale is a bit different for each. At 2 weeks it should be starting to get better, at a month if it’s not better it’s probably not going to get much better. Hang in there!

Steins;Gate. It starts slow, but once it picks up it’s amazing and puts all that slow build up to good use. Not sure if it technically counts though. Visual novels are a weird middle ground that aren’t really book or game, but there are some really good ones. Definitely the way to go if you’re in more of a reading mood but want some art and music to go with it.

There’s a lot we do to give us a feeling that our future is safe, but it never is.

Learning to accept this seems like a normal part of growing older, but man is it rough - especially when the wounds are fresh. Therapy helps. Experience also helps: you survived it once so you can do it again. We can’t make ourselves 100% safe and it’s genuinely terrifying when you really feel it.

But believe in yourself. When you’re ready, you will find ways to feel content and fulfilled. Maybe you work through your trust issues and meet someone new, maybe you don’t need to because you have other things in your life that make you happy.

I’ve done both at different times after having the rug pulled out from under me at least twice now. The third time was almost a blessing because I’ve been down this road so much. It was like a chance to start a new chapter and find more parts of life I haven’t yet lived: new hobbies, new friends, and so many things to learn.

So this isn’t some generic platitude. It comes from sitting in the same place you are now. The only real security is your own ability to get back up and start again. You don’t have to want to. Just know that you can and will when you’re ready.