Honestly, the judgement of parenting is not my main issue here. It’s the hypocrisy of at the same time saying “this is your problem, not mine” and “you have to deal with your problem so that I am not inconvenienced.”

Like, you can’t have it both ways. Either you don’t care, and then other people deserve the right to also not care about your opinion, or you do indeed care, and then it is your problem too. Your quote about not being part of the village is the one that I am saying fuck off to. You want to take yourself out of society and of the context, yet expect the other part to not take themselves out of society. You don’t even decide to look away, you decide to look with destructive criticism. I don’t see how this is supposed to help anyone, you included.

You come off as the type of person who will look at both the kid and the parent in disdain for being a nuisance even when they did something absolutely minor that you could easily avoid, ignore, or get away from. Are you assuming the kid will differentiate between your reaction towards them and their parent? Or that your reaction has no effect on the parent’s treatment of their child, perhaps in a more negative than positive way?

As for the judgement part, as I have pointed out somewhere else, you are seeing a sniplet of a day, of a life, of an hour. Yet you feel like you have enough information to rightfully judge. It’s correct that the kid might be subjected to bad, neglectful parenting and the parents do not care if their kid behaves awfully. Or you might have just met them in a vulnerable, bad moment. Somehow you know tho. Why not give them the benefit of the doubt or, God forbid, ask whether yoh can help? Offer a supporting smile to someone struggling? Why be hostile instead?

Because even if you took a perfect parent who does everything according to textbook from beginning to end, the kid will still have meltdowns in the most inconvenient and absurdly embarrassing moments in public.

And I have seen way too many parents who devote an insane amount of time and effort to their parenting, are reflected and have the best intentions and approaches, are incredibly level headed and collected (definitely not me tho), and give it their all, still being talked down upon by absolute strangers if they cannot make their preschool kid calm down within ten seconds. If these parents don’t stand a chance in the eye of public scrutiny, then I just don’t even know how a normal parent who doesn’t spend 24/7 thinking about their parenting choices has a chance.

I’ve also seen cases of what I would call bad parenting. Shaming, yelling, ignoring cries for help. But at least I can realise that I don’t know the full story. So unless I have a direct offer of help (tissue, water, bandaid, carrying something, etc) I let them be and hope that they know what they are doing and handling the situation to the best of their ability. I also know a kid who died of shaken baby syndrome because the new partner of their mom couldn’t handle the cries. I’d much prefer he ignored the cries and tantrums instead of killing the two year old boy.

I can’t find where the yoga pants part was supposedly said

Judgement is only partially the problem. You are never as full of yourself as a parental figure as before you become one. Neglectful parents should be held accountable, that is not the core of the issue.

What bothers me immensely is the thought that “your kid, not my problem, but actually it is my problem, because I want them to behave differently”. This is like eating your cake and have it too.

The other thing that I find awful is that just existing on the outside (for some families even inside) is so anxiety evoking because of all these judgements. Parents end up micromanaging their kids and berating them for minor things because they are so fucking scared that people will judge them or yell at them for not having a picture perfect child that you can overlook. Children are not allowed to show any childish behavior on the outside. And this is what bothers me so much. You have to constantly choose between supporting your kid and gentle (not neglectful) parenting where you don’t yell or hit and simply being on their side or trying to appeal to the scrutiny of the public eye because it wants perfect order and quiet.

When you go vacationing in a child friendly country (looking at you, Croatia) and you feel supported instead of frowned upon for the exact same behaviors of your kid, because they are just having fun and not destroying anything and just minding their own business while not perfectly sitting still, then you just understand how shitty it is to go every day feeling the cold stare of everyone around who wished children would just die out.

Neglectful parenting is worthy of judgement. What I take an issue with is that what you observed was a situation - it was a snapshot of a whole day, of a whole life that these people lead. Is the issue that they didn’t care, that they didn’t try to console the kid? How often did you, as an adult, get mad and calmed down after someone said “calm down”? Are you just bothered that they didn’t remove the kid from the situation for your convenience, as well as for their own embarrassment asap? There can be so many reasons why the kid screamed (didn’t get a piece of candy, didn’t get to throw over cans of beans - which you wohld also not like, probably and understandably -, was told to calm down, had a fight with a sibling, hurt themselves, couldn’t get a booger out), why the parents didn’t care (did they not care, did you see them after they had already tried to calm the kid down, talk to them, walk them through everything, do they try not to give more attention to something that was already talked about, or, god forbid, might they just be absolutely exhausted after the 5th tantrum with no reason in a row), why they didn’t leave (great idea to leave behind a full trolley with products for the workers to put back and go home with no groceries after having already spent time and energy to go to the store and have the shopping almost completed, also cool lesson for the kid that it can just yell long enough if they don’t like being somewhere so that they can leave. Works great in schools and hospitals too). But you saw that and decided the kid is feral and the parents are awful human beings that should have no right to a kid.

You both say that’s not your problem and they have to work it out, yet you are absolutely making it your problem and demand they work it out in a way that you find suiting.

I see so many people who think that if you are just loving and caring to a child and work them through their emotions and all they will be just reasoned to calm down. Man, this isn’t even how it works for adults, with developed brains. You guys don’t just expect too much of parents but also of kids. They cannot reason themselves out of these situations just as their arms are simply to short to wipe their own butts for the first three years.

And you might think you only judge the parents and not the kids, but the kids do feel your disdain. They feel your lack of compassion, understanding, and companionship. They learn so fast that the world is full of people who don’t like them. I’m not even going to start with the parents who are being judged no matter what they do. They are judged because their kid is their own person, that has a personality, and if that isn’t a pleasant personality, well fuck them. And if their kid is pleasant, then they have been too controlling and demanding and were too strict and helicoptered them into obedience.

If you, however, have friends or relatives that you know and see regularly and can make a more sophisticated guess on their parenting style, that might be another issue. Still a high horse to judge from, especially when you don’t have kids, but at least you have more than one point in time to make assumptions from.

Yes, I have a lot of anger for people who meet the most vulnerable parts of our society with hostility. I have an immense anger for people who don’t think these vulnerable people in the making have a place in society.

Congratulations on not being allowed to scream in public, ever. Did you good. Your parents had shitty standards and now you want to enforce these on other children so that they will also grow up and hate children. Great idea.

Then, politely, fuck off.

Children are a part of the society that you live in, whether you liked it or not. I don’t know who hurt you, but you were also a child once. You pooped your diapers, you cried, you misbehaved. How your parents have treated you when you did these things has a very direct effect on how you behave and think right now. My guess is they were shitty, it would explain your irrational anger and hatred towards kids.

Misbehaving in public is a necessary step to learning how to behave in the first place. It’s a learning by doing thing. You won’t get your child prepared to act kind, nice, and considerate with other people if you don’t let them meet other people. You cannot teach your kid how to behave on the outside at home. How is that not obvious to you? It is inconvenient, it is annoying, it is hard, and it has to be done so that we don’t have underdeveloped, immature, dysregulated asshole adults a generation’s time from now.

Parents are always obligated to watch for their kids and show them how to behave. This doesn’t mean they can, or should, control their every move, word, reaction, emotion, or behavior. If a 3 year old cries and it is uncomfortable for you, that’s your problem. It is not the child’s or the parent’s duty to shut them up with a gag ball ffs. It is their duty to help them resolve and guide them through their overwhelming emotions. So that they will grow up to be emotionally healthy adults.

Children have an innate need to play. They learn via playing. They learn via trying things out and touching them. They learn to walk and run by walking and running - and falling and failing. They also learn about the world from the world’s reaction. Being met with disdain for solely existing and breathing won’t help them to grow up to be adults with a lot of self worth.

You don’t get to decide who is part of the society and village you live in. You don’t get to cherry pick your neighbors.

You don’t want kids in your village go live in a cave.

No, that’s not it. Often there is free shipping to begin with; sometimes there isn’t.

Sometimes the shipping costs to return the product are covered, sometimes they aren’t; but when they are covered, that still doesn’t reimburse the original shipping costs if it wasn’t free shipping [to me].

I bought patches via amazon a couple of weeks ago - from a German company - with shipping costs since they weren’t part of prime. I had to send everything back and pay for the return too, was absolutely a loss on my end but the quality was too shit to keep them. None of the shipping, neither to me nor back, was refunded.

When I buy directly from companies, be it DMC, Rosie Wool (RIP), Otto - when I pay for the shipping to me I have not been refunded the cost.

What shops are you referring to? Nothing I ever ordered refunded my delivery fee upon return. This includes but is not limited to Amazon, Ikea, Zalando, Otto, Roller, Kaufland, Lidl, Yarn Shops, DM, Mediamarkt.

I moved from Bavaria to Saxony about two years ago. I always thought the whole “The West” “The East” thing was a joke and no one actually talked and thought like that.

Then I realized that it was just that there is “The East”, “The West”, and “Bavaria”. Bavarians don’t identify with “The West”. Nothing “The East” says about “The West” applies well to Bavaria. It’s just a very shielded microcosm. Bavarians don’t identify as Germans. They identify as Bavarians primarily. They are doing their own thing.

In defense of the restaurant (because I used to go there a lot) they also have a selection of vegetarian and vegan dishes. They do serve Bavarian classics and that’s their main focus, but there are always some “modern”/“alternative” dishes.

It’s in the airport. Actually, Airbräu is the only brewery that is located in an airport as far as I know. It has also weirdly cheap (and very tasty) beer for being both in “Munich” and in an airport .

You’re at Airbräu! I love it!

I heard that sentiment a lot the last couple of days, and people were so serious about it. It was mostly because I thought it was common sense to use sun protection with my 3 year old and not let her play out in the sun in a short bathing suit at noon and without a hat. And that I preferred her to wear socks and tucked in pants when they went to a forest with ticks.

You worry too much Look at us, we also made it here, and our parents didn’t look out for these things How are people even living nowadays with all their restrictions Think less you’ll sleep better Ignorance is bliss, we just don’t overthink it

Your kids all look like tomatoes turning into raisins y’all

I feel like in a fever dream

So Idk where you guys live and how your self checkouts look but here is my German perspective.

1. If I need a new gas cylinder I have to exchange it at the cashier’s
2. If I buy alcohol or cigarettes I also have to get my ID checked. The self checkout will then be put on pause until some worker shows up and realizes I am well in my 30s. I can also not buy things like razorblades at self checkout.
3. Often the stuff will be weighted to ensure I put it in the bag and not more or less. When I buy something light, think a small back of herbs of like 15 grams, the scale doesn’t realize it and again a problem occurs and a worker has to come
4. If I make a mistake like scanning twice I cannot cancel and again a worker has to come
5. It usually is a much more crammed space. I don’t even need a whole trolley for it to become uncomfortable. More than 5-10 items just don’t work because I have no space. Putting everything out of the trolley on the conveyor belt, getting it scanned, and then putting it back in the trolley is much easier.
6. If there are any items with a sale (30% off because BB date is approaching) I cannot scan this and again a worker needs to come.
7. I am not as fast. Not only because it is not a conveyor belt and I am not sitting at a scanner deck, but also I am just slower than a cashier who knows the code for fairtrade bananas and the avocados from spain but not from peru by heart. It’s my first time scanning this can of beans, where is the bar code? While it is 9 am and the cashier has already scanned this can of beans 25 times today. (8. In some supermarkets my kid gets a free fruit which it not necessary but I find super cute. This is only a thing at the cashier’s)

All I have to say is “hello”, “card please”, and “good day”. And I can also just wave these things. So yeah, I am absolutely standing in line if it is possible. It is so much faster and more convenient and going to self checkout to then get an error code and wait for help to arrive for 10 minutes is absolutely not worth it. (Looking at you, cursed Rewe in Munich). Then I also have to explain what’s the problem much more embarrassingly than any “hi thanks yeah with card please have a great day you to bye” conversation could ever be.

Edit: I just thought of an important 9.

9. I feel so much more anxious and pressured in the self checkout. How fast I am done with scanning, paying, and packing things up depends entirely on me. And I feel the stares of the people in line at self checkout stabbing my back. Telling me to hurry. I try to be fast but the more I try the more I fuck up. So for all the folks who don’t like cashiers because of social interaction, don’t you feel the angst of the line?

I know I’m in the minority

Dude look around the comment section. 90% talk about prefering self checkout