I think of it like a positive nihilism. Nothing inherently matters, but existing and being self-aware is such a crazy thing that just being able to consider the question is an extremely lucky state to find yourself in. So to the extent that you can control it, why not actively choose to live a positive and fulfilling existence and be a source of positivity in the experiences of others?
After working through my personal shit for several years, the stereotypical circular platitudes you might expect to hear from a monk like “to be happy, choose to be happy” make sense in a whole new way. That kind of thing isn’t the single magic step to finding fulfillment like it might sound in the surface, but it is a critical first step that informs a million future small decisions.
Positive nihilism is coping. Choosing to be happy while being crushed is coping. The truth is suffering is the point and has been for nearly as long as humans have been around. Those of you that choose happiness are impling that those of us that aren’t happy are choosing the pain. You’re putting the onus on us. It’s nice that you’ve found a path that works for you.
Yeah of course, it is by definition coping. Zero disagreement from me. But from my perspective of trying to find practical ways to achieve a fulfilling existence, good coping strategies can be a very positive thing. Bad shit will always be there, and we all have our own unique collections of it and unique internal reactions to it.
And the spirit of this from me is to encourage others to explore what’s possible, not to say “you should X.” We all have unique minds going through unique life experiences, so it would be silly for me to try to lay out some kind of roadmap to happiness like I know you (or any other people who might read this).
It took me several years to get my head to where it is now, and that includes ongoing medication. My goal is to help others however I can, so whether that is by providing possible techniques or just convincing them that a better existence might be possible, I will take whatever I can get. Incremental improvements are a good thing, even if tiny.
And indeed a big part of that is to explore what restrictions and burdens we place upon ourselves. If people in way worse conditions than us are happy, and people in way better positions than us are miserable, there must be some wiggle room where we can find a better outcome given our own unique inputs.
I found a lot of inspiration in the philosophy of the stoics and Buddhists, plus Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. That doesn’t mean I’m going to tell you to be stoic and control your emotions, because that would be some ignorant shit. But I think there’s a general idea there that’s worth encouraging others to consider, that you may be able to pilot your brain through the craziness of life in a way that suits you better.
And like I think I said before, the “decide to be happy” platitude is important but it is only the first baby step of a long journey. Genuinely changing your emotional state is not just a simple decision, but it may be possible over an extended period of time if you are consciously working towards it and making small beneficial decisions over and over.
If I may end with another platitude that is way easier said than done, we have to play the hand we’re dealt. Not because there’s anything good about that plan, and not because that is fair, but because that is reality. I found it difficult to find contentment with my life while also wishing my life was something else. And I know that probably sounds negative and discouraging as text on a screen, but think of it more like putting your effort towards practical improvements and not wasting your energy dwelling on things you cannot change or on the inherent unfairness of life. That includes acknowledging your privilege along with accepting your burdens.
Supposedly Lincoln said something like “We are as happy as we make up our minds to be,” and whether he said it or not, I’ve adopted that philosophy. I’m not always happy, but even when times are tough, like they are right now, it allows me to still remain optimistic, and not surrender to despair, and give up.
I’ve been part of two layoffs in two years. I have no job. I have no savings. I have no retirement plan. I have no friends and I definitely have no live life to speak of. I turn 32 in a few days. I’m all for just living but right now living is approaching actual suffering if I’m not already there, but hey the bottom keeps getting lower, maybe I can figure out how to keep digging, I just see no value. The juice is quickly becoming not worth the squeeze. This is a stark contrast to where I was years ago when I at least had my dog, but I was a horrible owner. I don’t deserve much, if anything. I have no responsibility, and no one to hold me accountable for wasting away my life.
That’s one reason I threw in “to the extent that you can control it” because sometimes bad shit just happens.
But for what it’s worth, between 2019 and now I’ve had three financial disasters and my financial picture is way worse than it was. Debt free with emergency savings, used that up on a mess with the house, then lost my job twice over the Covid years after having been at the same place 15 years. But I’m also on the other side of it all where I have a job I like and I can start to rebuild.
But I also have a family and a ton of animals, so I’ve been holding all of that close. I wish you well!
Insert “that’s the neat part” meme.
I think of it like a positive nihilism. Nothing inherently matters, but existing and being self-aware is such a crazy thing that just being able to consider the question is an extremely lucky state to find yourself in. So to the extent that you can control it, why not actively choose to live a positive and fulfilling existence and be a source of positivity in the experiences of others?
After working through my personal shit for several years, the stereotypical circular platitudes you might expect to hear from a monk like “to be happy, choose to be happy” make sense in a whole new way. That kind of thing isn’t the single magic step to finding fulfillment like it might sound in the surface, but it is a critical first step that informs a million future small decisions.
Positive nihilism is coping. Choosing to be happy while being crushed is coping. The truth is suffering is the point and has been for nearly as long as humans have been around. Those of you that choose happiness are impling that those of us that aren’t happy are choosing the pain. You’re putting the onus on us. It’s nice that you’ve found a path that works for you.
Yeah of course, it is by definition coping. Zero disagreement from me. But from my perspective of trying to find practical ways to achieve a fulfilling existence, good coping strategies can be a very positive thing. Bad shit will always be there, and we all have our own unique collections of it and unique internal reactions to it.
And the spirit of this from me is to encourage others to explore what’s possible, not to say “you should X.” We all have unique minds going through unique life experiences, so it would be silly for me to try to lay out some kind of roadmap to happiness like I know you (or any other people who might read this).
It took me several years to get my head to where it is now, and that includes ongoing medication. My goal is to help others however I can, so whether that is by providing possible techniques or just convincing them that a better existence might be possible, I will take whatever I can get. Incremental improvements are a good thing, even if tiny.
And indeed a big part of that is to explore what restrictions and burdens we place upon ourselves. If people in way worse conditions than us are happy, and people in way better positions than us are miserable, there must be some wiggle room where we can find a better outcome given our own unique inputs.
I found a lot of inspiration in the philosophy of the stoics and Buddhists, plus Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. That doesn’t mean I’m going to tell you to be stoic and control your emotions, because that would be some ignorant shit. But I think there’s a general idea there that’s worth encouraging others to consider, that you may be able to pilot your brain through the craziness of life in a way that suits you better.
And like I think I said before, the “decide to be happy” platitude is important but it is only the first baby step of a long journey. Genuinely changing your emotional state is not just a simple decision, but it may be possible over an extended period of time if you are consciously working towards it and making small beneficial decisions over and over.
If I may end with another platitude that is way easier said than done, we have to play the hand we’re dealt. Not because there’s anything good about that plan, and not because that is fair, but because that is reality. I found it difficult to find contentment with my life while also wishing my life was something else. And I know that probably sounds negative and discouraging as text on a screen, but think of it more like putting your effort towards practical improvements and not wasting your energy dwelling on things you cannot change or on the inherent unfairness of life. That includes acknowledging your privilege along with accepting your burdens.
I hope something in there made sense to somebody!
Supposedly Lincoln said something like “We are as happy as we make up our minds to be,” and whether he said it or not, I’ve adopted that philosophy. I’m not always happy, but even when times are tough, like they are right now, it allows me to still remain optimistic, and not surrender to despair, and give up.
I’ve been part of two layoffs in two years. I have no job. I have no savings. I have no retirement plan. I have no friends and I definitely have no live life to speak of. I turn 32 in a few days. I’m all for just living but right now living is approaching actual suffering if I’m not already there, but hey the bottom keeps getting lower, maybe I can figure out how to keep digging, I just see no value. The juice is quickly becoming not worth the squeeze. This is a stark contrast to where I was years ago when I at least had my dog, but I was a horrible owner. I don’t deserve much, if anything. I have no responsibility, and no one to hold me accountable for wasting away my life.
That’s one reason I threw in “to the extent that you can control it” because sometimes bad shit just happens.
But for what it’s worth, between 2019 and now I’ve had three financial disasters and my financial picture is way worse than it was. Debt free with emergency savings, used that up on a mess with the house, then lost my job twice over the Covid years after having been at the same place 15 years. But I’m also on the other side of it all where I have a job I like and I can start to rebuild.
But I also have a family and a ton of animals, so I’ve been holding all of that close. I wish you well!