This has gotten me through every Christmas for decades.
If they are under pre-school age, get the parents a gift certificate and buy the little on a BIG Christmas card, the kind the whole office can sign. Little kids never get mail of their own, and will go nuts over the giant card.
School age kids get a Barbie or GI Joe. It’s like giving someone in jail a carton of Newports; either they’ll like it or they’ll trade it for what they do want.
`10 to 20 years old gets cash. You can dress it up by putting gold dollar coins in a drawstring bag [the kind Conan carries]
Over 21 gets a nice bottle of wine. Unless they are a recovering alcoholic they’ll either like it or regift it.
If they are a recovering alcoholic, just ask them.
I’m just imagining Sona just picking it up, putting it in her purse, while Conan berates her.
“What are you doing??? You can’t just pocket the money! You didn’t write any jokes!”
And then Jordan chimes in “Actually Conan, those were 13th century english gold coins. They have value as a resale to collectors, much in the same way a 1973 sealed Luke Skywalker misprint action figure has value, but they are no longer accepted as currency. You can’t pay someone with those for any task.”
“What? I can pay people with whatever I want! I can pay you with a Nintendo 64 if I so choose!”
Sona: Well, you aren’t paying ANYONE with those coins. Those coins are gone.
“You can’t just TAKE the coins, Sona. That’s STEALING!!!”
Sona: “And yet I just did.”
Andy Richter: eating the coins “Are these chocolate???”
ANDY!!! You can’t just steal out of Sonas purse!!!
Andy: “Well why not??? I’m not going to be the only one NOT stealing these gold coins. They’re definately made of chocolate though.”
“Oh my god, you guys! This has gotten TOTALLY out of control…Jordan! There’s chocolate on your lips! Are YOU eating the coins too???”
Jordan: “I’m sure I don’t know WHAT you’re talking about Conan.” wipes chocolate off lip “And besides…I don’t have any chocolate on my lip”
Conan: “…anymore.”
Max Weinberg enters the room
Max: “Hey guys, look what I found in Conans dressing room!”
dumps out huge sack filled with dozens of sacks of coins
Conan: “MAX!!! NO!!!”
Max: Was I not supposed to do that? Oh well. Anyways, I’m off to tour with Bruce Springsteen, and thus avoiding all consequences for my actions! Later losers!
![You Know Me [Nina Lives Alone]](https://feddit.uk/pictrs/image/51261d1b-9928-431b-b80e-846448ae315b.webp){kind=link}
[off topic]
This has gotten me through every Christmas for decades.
If they are under pre-school age, get the parents a gift certificate and buy the little on a BIG Christmas card, the kind the whole office can sign. Little kids never get mail of their own, and will go nuts over the giant card.
School age kids get a Barbie or GI Joe. It’s like giving someone in jail a carton of Newports; either they’ll like it or they’ll trade it for what they do want.
`10 to 20 years old gets cash. You can dress it up by putting gold dollar coins in a drawstring bag [the kind Conan carries]
Over 21 gets a nice bottle of wine. Unless they are a recovering alcoholic they’ll either like it or regift it.
If they are a recovering alcoholic, just ask them.
I’m not willing to admit the time it took for me to realize that “Conan” didn’t mean “Conan O Brian”.
I like the image of O’Brian swaggering into the writers’ room and tossing a bag of gold coins onto the conference table.
“I need twenty minutes on J.D. Vance. That gold goes to the man jack who gives me a right belly larf.”
I’m just imagining Sona just picking it up, putting it in her purse, while Conan berates her.
“What are you doing??? You can’t just pocket the money! You didn’t write any jokes!”
And then Jordan chimes in “Actually Conan, those were 13th century english gold coins. They have value as a resale to collectors, much in the same way a 1973 sealed Luke Skywalker misprint action figure has value, but they are no longer accepted as currency. You can’t pay someone with those for any task.”
“What? I can pay people with whatever I want! I can pay you with a Nintendo 64 if I so choose!”
Sona: Well, you aren’t paying ANYONE with those coins. Those coins are gone.
“You can’t just TAKE the coins, Sona. That’s STEALING!!!”
Sona: “And yet I just did.”
Andy Richter: eating the coins “Are these chocolate???”
ANDY!!! You can’t just steal out of Sonas purse!!!
Andy: “Well why not??? I’m not going to be the only one NOT stealing these gold coins. They’re definately made of chocolate though.”
“Oh my god, you guys! This has gotten TOTALLY out of control…Jordan! There’s chocolate on your lips! Are YOU eating the coins too???”
Jordan: “I’m sure I don’t know WHAT you’re talking about Conan.” wipes chocolate off lip “And besides…I don’t have any chocolate on my lip”
Conan: “…anymore.”
Max Weinberg enters the room
Max: “Hey guys, look what I found in Conans dressing room!”
dumps out huge sack filled with dozens of sacks of coins
Conan: “MAX!!! NO!!!”
Max: Was I not supposed to do that? Oh well. Anyways, I’m off to tour with Bruce Springsteen, and thus avoiding all consequences for my actions! Later losers!
WTF?