• Septimaeus@infosec.pub
    125·
    3 days ago

    And then what happened?
    That must be really hard for you.
    Wow. You don’t deserve that.
    How do you feel about it now?
    Ugh. That sounds awful.
    You’re handling this better than I would.
    How do you even respond to that?
    Tell me about it.
    What can I do to help?
    You’ve got this, but I’m here.

    Edit: I wrote the above to illustrate how many options there are in the parlance of active listening. The formula is simple: imagine how they feel and join their side or, if you can’t yet imagine, ask questions until you can. That’s it.

    • recursive_recursion they/them@lemmy.caEnglish
      12·
      4 days ago

      That sucks but this reminds me of…

      …and that’s how I became king of the pirates, well anyways you should invest into my NFT cryptoAI trust me bro this gonna go to the moon!

  • Fizz@lemmy.nz
    17·
    4 days ago

    “Its not that bad stop being a pussy” Works 30% of the time everytime.

    • Teppichbrand@feddit.org
      8·
      3 days ago

      Pussies are pretty tough though. Balls on the other hand … too warm, too cold, don’t touch me, you’ll hurt me. :)

    • Possibly linux@lemmy.zipEnglish
      2·
      3 days ago

      “You know as someone who grew up with no food and a dirt floor I can relate. Growing up my mother died and I was often beaten by my father.”

      • Buglefingers@lemmy.world
        3·
        3 days ago

        Relateable, I once had a blanket that didn’t totally cover me. Toes or shoulder coverage only. We are truly brothers in suffering

  • don@lemm.ee
    10·
    3 days ago

    “I can’t say I would’ve known what to do, had I been in your position.”

    “I can only imagine what that must have been like for you, which understandably likely isn’t of much consolation to you.”

    “It would be disingenuous of me to presume to know what it was like for you to have experienced what you endured, but I am happy to listen to what you have to say, if you wish to tell me.”

  • Empricorn@feddit.nlEnglish
    4·
    3 days ago

    “I’m sorry for your loss. Move on.”

    “It’s not like you’ve lost a pen, is it? It’s so much worse… Would you like a pen? I have a spare one. …Please take it.”

    • Nasan@sopuli.xyz
      2·
      3 days ago

      I’m so sorry, here, it’s Cradle of Filth. It got me through some pretty bleak times.

    • PhobosAnomaly@feddit.uk
      16·
      4 days ago

      It works spectacularly well with people you’re close to or on very good terms with.

      If my other half is kicking off about something, a quick “hey listen, are you wanting help to fix this or are you wanting to vent like fuck to feel a bit better?”

      It’s rarely the former, though I’d be more than happy to help if it was. At least then I can let her rage out and decompress without throwing in unwanted suggestions.

      Probably comes across as a bit blunt to people you don’t know well though.

      • MrVilliam@lemm.eeEnglish
        3·
        4 days ago

        Glad my wife and I aren’t the only ones. It’s frustrating to explain why proposed solutions won’t work while already worked up over stressful bullshit. Sometimes there just aren’t real solutions. Sometimes you just need to open a pressure relief valve for a minute so you can have a little reset and be better equipped to tackle the mountain of bullshit.

        • PhobosAnomaly@feddit.uk
          1·
          4 days ago

          Yeah, it works both ways at the end of the day.

          I know fine well when I need to take some holiday days - I work with a team of fantastic guys and girls in a very bureaucratic environment, so any deviation from the norm in certain projects come with a raft of paperwork (an unnecessary volume in some cases), before the issue can really be put to bed.

          Everyone makes fuckups. I’ve made fuckups and caused by line manager paperwork when I was at the coalface, and I’ll continue to make fuckups and learn from them in the future. I know my spuds will drop a bollock every now and then, and that’s cool.

          There are times when someone has made a royal arse of something and it’s stacked another load of paperwork on top of me, and I get a bit angry about it. It’s not rational, it’s not fair to rag on the poor dude or dudette or dudethey who made an error, and I’ll let my partner know that I’m not after solutions - I’m just needing a bit of extra time to calm down and refocus. Solutions to those problems mean overhauling a heavy and entrenched system of work, and it’s not something that can be done at home - I could have married Kofi Annan, but unless he’s familiar with the system of work, there’s fuck all he could actually do.

          At that point, it’s time to book a week or two off, and think about anything - everything - but work.

          e: clarity

  • theneverfox@pawb.socialEnglish
    3·
    3 days ago

    All of them, this is a QuickTime event. You have to feel out what they’re looking for. You have to hit the buttons in order and with the right timing

    First - that sucks. Show empathy and active listening, see if they have more to say. Let them get it out

    Next - you have to decide, are they more upset, or more stressed

    Upset - story time, show sympathy. Keep it light on the details, and don’t try to draw comparisons - keep it at the emotional level.
    Then advice time - again, keep it brief and vague

    Stressed - advice, lay out options rapid fire and see if they latch onto any. If they don’t, story time - tell them about similar situations, without drawing emotional comparisons, where you got past it more easily than expected