[Jesus sits on a rock, speaking]
A new command I give you:
Love one another
[an angry character talks back to Jesus]
What if they’re something bad like gay, trans, brown, or communist though?
[Jesus is facepalming on his rock]
I don’t want to be a messiah anymore
Just a note, Jesus wasn’t actually purple even though he is depicted here as such.
actually, many scholars today believe jesus most likely was purple, as a result of the water in his body being transmuted into wine. this is why in modern catholic tradition, wine is used to represent the blood of christ.
grapes are purple, it makes sense.
Guy was a walking DUI, with a BAC of 100%.
this is why the bible contains no mention of jesus driving a car or reciting the alphabet backwards
Dude walked straight into a lake
i mean he was chronically wasted. he thought it went alpha, omega, delta, gamma…
The real reason he was crucified. You need to go to the apocrypha of Thomas to find out about how many times he ran over Lazarus with that mule before he skipped town for three days.
I’ve read Thomas. Jesus was real little shit as a kid. I guess being all-powerful is hard to handle as grade schooler.
If his blood were wine it would have an abv of between 8-14 percent, although I believe wine was significantly diluted back then.
wouldn’t the BAC be around 15% though? 100% would be for distilled stuff, and while an appalachian jesus sounds rad, i don’t think he ever did water into moonshine.
At that point id argue it is an ABC
Can’t do a blood test if there’s no blood to begin with.
You can try to say this in a crowd of the followers of the religion of peace about their prophet. Hope you can run fast and you have a place to hide.
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I think with a BAC of 100% I would also be seeing god…
In the whole Bible there is no indication that he wasn’t purple
Then explain all the portraits! /s
Ecce Muppo. Unknown, 2026
Of course, canon Jesus reply would be “but we’re brown ourselves though?”
I honestly don’t know what colour of skin people of the levant would have at that time.
The canon version is people complaining about the Samaritans.
Maybe we are due an updated parable: The Good Transwoman
A very mixed bag, given that it was a major crossroads of the ancient world.
And when I was pregnant, you aborted my fetus
And when I was undocumented, you paid me fairly for my labor and didn’t try to gouge me on rent
And when I was addicted, you gave me methadone and a place to sober up.
i see you were paying attention at the church i play music at. we have (well, had. my contract just ended) a damn good pastor
Shhhhh, the Republicans that lack object permanence will have their entire worldviews turned upsidedown! Winning!!